


Only Real to My Eyes

by selfishdreamer



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Getting Together, M/M, Metafiction, Misunderstandings, Shyness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-01 23:03:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14531289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/selfishdreamer/pseuds/selfishdreamer
Summary: It never failed to shock Sidney that there was a whole world of people out there who idolized him. Well not him him, but some fictionalized, confident version of him that shared only his face and highly-acclaimed ass.Or the one where a hopeless Sidney turns to fanfiction to fill the Geno sized gap in his heart.





	Only Real to My Eyes

It never failed to shock Sidney that there was a whole world of people out there who idolized him. Well not him him, but some fictionalized, confident version of him that shared only his face and highly-acclaimed ass. He wasn’t ignorant enough to realize that if it weren’t for his hockey, no one would give two shits about him but it still surprised him that people thought they cared as much as they seemingly did. There were blogs out there that claimed to know everything from his blood type to his favorite breakfast, and people spent hours obsessing over the exact color of his eyes and analyzing the smallest twitch of his lips. The truth was that Sidney wasn’t nearly as interesting as the internet had made him out to be, not nearly as drool-worthy or lovable. And it was for this reason why the fanfictions they wrote about Sidney pained him so much. 

He had read the first one by accident, seen the title come up when he had googled his name, as he routinely did, and read on out of pure curiosity. The story was about him and Geno and it had seemed pretty normal (boring even if he was honest) until all of a sudden, they were kissing. Sidney could still feel the way his cheeks had burned red when he had read the line before he slammed the computer shut. But within moments, the screen was open again in front of him and his eyes were moving a mile per second, devouring the words. When he had finished, his breath jumping in his lungs, he quickly checked the tags to see if there were any others and had almost yelped when he saw there were nearly 2000 more. There was a story for every mood, setting and situation Sidney could possibly imagine and, before he could control himself, he set off to finish every one of them. 

Sidney, who had been harboring a traitorous crush on Geno ever since they first met, had first been ecstatic about his discovery. However, when he finally set his computer down for the night, the pang of loneliness he usually felt in his chest when he went to sleep was three times stronger than usual. As great as an escape the works had been, they only hurt Sidney more. It hurt him so much not to see a false portrayal of himself but to see Geno love that version of him. That maybe, if Sidney was different, if he were more interesting and confident, Geno would love him. He would deserve to be loved by him, even. Reading about it just made it all the more obvious that Geno could never love this version of Sidney and that Sidney would have to live with that.

After a few more weeks of being excited and then devastatingly disappointed, Sidney decided to take matters into his own hands. Before he could talk himself out of it, Sidney made himself an account and began to write. He hadn’t written in a long time so his writing may have been a little rusty but, after reading over his work a few times, he was pleased with how it turned out. It wasn’t extremely long but it did exactly what he intended it to. It was about Geno, the one that existed both in fanfiction and real life (unsurprisingly, they weren’t too different), suave and funny and stunning and then him, as he truly was, awkward and shy and unlovable. Not much happened: Sidney loved Geno from the background, fought painfully to hide his love behind tight smiles and stone faced interviews and Geno never noticed. It wasn’t very captivating, but at least it was true. 

Without any more dwelling, Sidney submitted his work and then rolled over to try and sleep. The pang, he found, was still there but numbed a little. It was the closest to content that Sidney had felt in a long time. Maybe he was beginning to accept his reality, just a little. Maybe he could live with loneliness. Maybe.

* * *

Sidney didn’t get a ton of hits or comments on his work, as he expected. He knew his writing wasn’t nearly as fun as some of the sexier stories that were out there. The truth wasn’t comparable to the magnificent lie they had created.

A few weeks after he published, however, he got a private message. 

sidgenobest871: I don’t like the ending. 

Sidney probably should have expected negative reviews, but he was still a little surprised.

hockey_writer_87: Me either. But it’s more realistic at least. That’s what I was going for. 

sidgenobest871: I don’t think so. 

hockey_writer_87: Don’t think what?

sidgenobest871: Realistic. Not true. I think it’s other way. Geno love Sid, Sid not see. 

hockey_writer_87: How do you know? 

sidgenobest871: I know. 

hockey_writer_87: What if I could promise you that you’re wrong?

sidgenobest871: You can’t 

Sidney smiled a bit at that. If only they knew...

* * *

Sidney tried not to let his “extracurricular pursuits” affect his interactions with Geno in real life, but he couldn’t help but notice that Geno was acting weird. Sid and Geno had always interacted very easily with each other. Sure, Sidney was awkward and painfully in love with him but he was also a professional. He knew who he had to be to the team and Geno occupied a similar role so they had both learned to lead together and seamlessly. You can’t win three cups without a strong, united front. Since Sidney was fairly certain that nothing changed on Geno’s front, he was sure he could chalk up the weirdness to his writing. He must have somehow changed his relationship with the real Geno and he could already see the effects on the rest of the team so he knew he had to do something to fix it. 

Sidney decided the best thing to do would to be to invite Geno over to his house to talk to him. When they were younger, they would hang out all the time over at Mario’s, just the two of them. Sid was Geno’s first friend in Pittsburgh and maybe the only other person who kind of understood what it was like to be him. Their friendship was perfect until Sidney decided to ruin it with his feelings. After he acknowledged his crush, he would often turn down Geno’s invitations to get food or play xbox in fear of looking like a blushing, lovestruck fool. They had drifted apart after that, Geno off making new, cooler friends and Sidney off to try and think about anything other than his handsome, Russian teammate. 

So it was maybe a bit odd that Sidney was inviting Geno over now, after so many years, but he felt it necessary.

***

Geno was twenty minutes late, because of course he was, and greeted him with a sheepish smile and a shoulder pat as he walked through to the living room. He sprawled across Sid’s couch, his long limbs reaching to cover every part of the surface, and only nodded when Sid offered him wine. 

The kitchen was a few rooms off of the living room but he could normally hear what was going on in the living room pretty easily. Which is why it was weird that tonight he couldn’t. He was sure Geno would have turned on the TV by this point. Maybe he had it on mute? 

He carefully walked back, the two glasses of red wine sloshing around and threatening to stain his floor. He was so careful staring down the drinks and willing them to remain in the glasses, that he didn’t even notice what Geno was doing at first. And, when he did, Geno didn’t notice him until the sound of glass shattering jerked his head up. 

They didn’t speak for awhile as Sid tried to study Geno’s eyes. They seemed sad. Scared. Fuck. The backlight from Sid’s laptop finally died out on Geno’s face, the shadows doing nothing to hide his expression. 

Geno spoke first, the words forming on his tongue slowly and carefully. 

“Sid-- you wrote that?” 

Sidney wasn’t sure if he was detecting disgust or anger in Geno’s voice but whatever it was made the hair on Sid’s neck stand straight. 

“I shouldn’t have written it, I shouldn’t have posted it. I’m so sorry. I never meant for you to read it.” Sid couldn’t look at him when he spoke. 

“Sid, was not first time... I’m read that.” 

Well, Sid thought, that’s different. 

“What?” 

“Duper always tease, say I’m have biggest crush on you ever, send me stories with you and me to chirp. But then I’m keep reading. I’m think ‘this is the closest I’ll ever get.’ I even made account, have writer friends. I think I read everything. But then, one day, see this and I’m feel sad. So I message the author-”

“Wait, slow down, you’re sidgenobest871?” Sid interrupted, his mind running over their conversation in his head. 

Geno nodded. 

“Did you mean what you said? About loving me?” 

“Since we rookies, Sid.”

Sidney felt like laughing and crying and screaming and dying all at the same time, his thoughts spinning around and around and around. 

Geno loved him. Boring and serious and shy him. Superstitious and weird him. Not fanfiction him or media him or all of the other interesting hims that existed. Geno really loved him, just as he was. 

Sid couldn’t stop himself from dropping the other glass of wine, letting it clang against the already present shards of glass from before, and rushing over to Geno to crash their lips together. 

Sid had found his happy ending all on his own and it was much better than all of the ones he had already read about because, this time, it wasn’t over when he closed his laptop. He got to keep Geno forever.


End file.
